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What Smart Men Know: A Guide to Understanding
Women
By Stevee Ashlock
Smart
men are well groomed by good mothers and patient sweethearts. They are a quick study who value peace in
their personal relationships with the women in their lives. They are smart enough to know that as a man,
they will never know the full depths of a woman.
Smart
men are like a secret society. No one is
quite sure how came about, but they aren’t telling anyone. Therefore, listen up, men! Let’s make your lives a lot easier by adhering
to the following guidelines.
1) NEVER, NEVER....and I will say NEVER (again) criticize (even
if you call it constructive) a woman's makeup, hair style, face, wrinkles,
what she is wearing and ESPECIALLY her body or figure. DO NOT TELL HER
SHE NEEDS TO GO TO THE GYM TO WORKOUT! Just don't even go there.
If you do, you WILL NOT like the results! This is offensive, abusive
behavior, and she will end up despising you.
This is a territory that men have no business crossing these boundaries
unless that is your professional business, and you are hired as an expert. Your
life will be much happier if you can just grasp this one concept!
2) Sincere, encouraging compliments will get you the results you desire. BUT
do not give a "back handed" compliment...such as "Gosh, you
look wonderful, but if you worked out you could even look better. HUGE NO-NO!
You must STOP after the end of the compliment and not interject the put down at
the end. This is very offensive and makes the original compliment null and
void...worthless.
3) It takes at least 20 meaningful positive compliments to make up for just ONE
thoughtless, hurtful criticism (constructive or not).
4) A women will remember each hurtful statement inflicted on her, especially
from her lover. It will be eternally carved into her mind. Therefore, it is BEST
to practice biting your tongue and saying nothing. If you cannot say something nice and
complimentary...keep your mouth closed!
5) Do not speak about that in which you are not an expert! Such
as, you have never been a woman, so please don't even think you know
what a woman thinks, feels, or what they should or shouldn’t do.
Biggest mistake men make is thinking that they know how a woman does or doesn't
feel. Since you have NEVER been a woman, it is in your best interest
to listen to one and take notes! Men and women are VERY different;
therefore you must either learn to deal with it properly, or you will be very
miserable and lonely.
6) It is NEVER okay to be judgmental, critical or controlling in a
relationship. These are the deadly three relationship sins!
By the way, jealousy is NOT an attractive attribute. Grow up and wear your big boy undies.
7) Keep mental notes of what your lady likes. Use that list often to show your appreciation
and love for her. Treat her like a
Queen, and you will be her royal King.
Happy Woman = Happy Man!
8) DO NOT demand sex from your partner. Understand that a woman has different
sexual needs than a man. Women need to be romanced and warmed up....like nice compliments,
hot bath together, a sensual massage, etc. A selfish lover with pent up
frustrations is not a turn on to a woman!
9) If a woman is NOT in the mood for sex, it rarely has anything to do with her
partner (unless she is upset with him).
It has more to do with how she is feeling. KEY: You need to ask,
"Is there something I may do to make you feel better?" Then, by all means, do it! That
will more than likely get her in the mood for sexual activity. The long term benefit is she will love you
even more.
When she is not in the mood for sex....ABSOLUTELY....DO NOT say mean things
to her. That WILL NOT get the results you want. HUGE MISTAKE!
This is where you learn patience, true love and understanding....and it is NOT
all about you. By all means, do not seek
an affair. Keep your pants on with the
zipper locked.
10) DO NOT discuss your personal relationship with others. It is none of their
business! That would be the blatant violation of trust.
11) A woman needs to be the QUEEN of the home. Let her make
the decisions on the decor and furnishings. A man can gently
(not demanding) input his requests. He may wish to have his own space
within the home to do as he wishes, but the general household should reflect the
influence of the woman. Additionally,
both parties need to equally involved in making decisions in financial affairs. Remember that woman like to have a little
“mad” money to do as they please. Do not
question them about it.
12) Lastly, it is much better to keep the peace in the relationship than forcing
your opinions on someone to prove you have a valid point. In the end, you may win the argument, but
you LOOSE big time in the relationship! Not worth it! Learn
to keep quiet and you will have the peace and harmony you desire.
Sometimes, a man needs to just suck it up! Women are experts at doing
this, because we have done it for years.
Now, we desire the same courtesy in return.
Oft times a man exclaim, “You’ve changed!
What happened to you?” The reality is that the woman has not
changed at all. She just grew tired of
sucking it up to keep the peace in the relationship, meanwhile fending off
cruel criticisms and offensive behavior. She is speaking her mind to let
you know that this abusive behavior must stop immediately. Abuse is never okay!
If
a man would simply follow these basic rules, divorce attorneys would be non-existent. It all boils down to: keep your mouth closed
with your pants zipper up and your hands to yourself. A woman does not need a “parental” or “drill
sergeant” type relationship. A woman
longs for a loving partner that accepts her the way she is and has the ability
to cherish her uniqueness.
Recommended
book: 101 Things A Man Should Never Say To The Woman He Loves written by Fred
Toleman www.Amazon.com
Lesson
in Criticism: How Not to Offend Others
By Stevee
Ashlock
There is no such thing
as “constructive” criticism! Criticism
hurts no matter who delivers the blow and the reasoning behind it. It simply cuts a person to the core, because
the statements are judgmental opinions.
An opinion is like #@$#%, everyone has one. People find it annoying and rude when one
freely gives their opinion without first being asked for it.
Criticism comes from a person who feels superior of another person or group of
people and believes that all things in life should be “their way” or not way at
all. They feel that all must convert to
their point of view; otherwise, they are rendered useless. Furthermore, there is absolutely no
consideration for human error.
To maintain a meaningful relationship with others, whether personal or business,
one must learn to be tolerant and accepting of others. It is okay to be different. Learn to acknowledge and appreciate people's
differences. This is one of the simple
beauties of life; we are all made differently...even identical twins.
Here are a few proper rules to follow as a guideline to avoid having critical
or offensive behavior.
Basic Rules of Communication:
1) If you cannot say something
nice....then KEEP QUIET! Say nothing at all. This is a simple rule
learned as a child from their mother.
2) When asked for your opinion, always be PC (politically correct) and mindful
of the others feelings. It is much
better to watch your tongue now than be sorry for hurting another's
feelings later!
3) Everyone has their right to their own values, opinions, likes and
dislikes. You do not have the right to
degrade someone else because you do not agree with you. You especially do not have the right to force
your thoughts upon another. Simply share
your ideas and let it go.
4) When you finish sharing your thoughts, do not say, "Right?" or "Do you agree?"
It is not necessary for them to agree with you.
Just let them listen quietly. Then, they deserve the same respect
in return. It is not required for another to agree with you to live in
harmony. Learn acceptance and
tolerance. It is okay to agree to
disagree!
5) If you are asked your opinion or thoughts on a particular matter, you simple
state how you feel once and only
once. That is it! Do
not keep repeating it over and over, sliding your opinion in every chance you
can. Once is plenty!
6) Instead of telling someone "You MUST
do this or that," simply offer ways you may be able to assist. Such
as, if you want someone to get physically fit, offer to pay a year's gym fee
for them and be their personal trainer.
7) Do not insult anyone's intelligence. You
have no idea what they have been through.
You can learn from everyone. Additionally, do not put someone down
for what they do not know or what they have been through in life. Absolutely
do not use it against them, especially during an argument!
Furthermore, if someone tells you something, either in general conservation or
in confidence, do not interject your
opinions or criticism. If your comments are degrading, that person
will no longer trust you and will not share anything more about their life. By all means, do not repeat what they have confided to someone else!
8) Treat everyone with the same due respect that you desire.
9) Fight fair: Do not bring up
someone's personal history or old issues when in a disagreement. Leave past issues buried in the past.
10) Unsavory words: The general rule - If it is not allowed on mainstream
television (meaning that the word is bleeped out) than it is not proper to use
in your daily speech. We were taught are children in school, that people
who constantly choose to use profanity are uneducated. They do not have enough
word knowledge to express themselves in a more refined way.
Critical words are used as
weapons and have the ability to start wars; therefore, you are 100% responsible
for everything you say! Unless you
desire to grow old and lonely, take heed to your words. Think twice and speak once. You will be held accountable for every last
word you say.
Does
Sorry Mean All Is Forgiven?
By Stevee Ashlock
“I’m
sorry” is heard quite often when someone feels the consequences of their
behavior. Be extremely careful not to
forgive too quickly. Many times this
statement has a different meaning than you had hoped for. More then likely, it means – I am sorry I got
caught; I am sorry you are so upset with me; I am sorry, because I don’t like
the consequences, etc.
Then
how do you tell if someone is truly sorry when they apology? It is in their heart! There is a change deep inside them…they
change their belief system. Somehow,
they had previously convinced themselves that what they did was okay. Otherwise, they would not have done it. There are a few that blatantly know what they
are about to do is outright wrong and just don’t care. Those are not as common as the ones that have
reasoned themselves to believe they are in the right – therefore justifying
their behavior.
When
you are sincerely sorry and desire to make it right, start with an honest
admission of your guilt. Simply state
what you did wrong. This is a sign of respect
for the other. As the offender, you have
validated the other person’s feelings and need to acknowledge their right to be
treated fairly. This will ease their
resistance and allow you the opportunity to ask for forgiveness.
This
is not the time to lawyer up as if you were putting on a mock trial. Avoid justifying why you did it with excuses
or pushing your point of view. This is
not the proper time. Keep humble! Think before you speak. Keep it short and to the point. Do not ramble. By all means, do not drag skeletons out of
the closet! If you do, you will more
than likely dig yourself in deeper.
Forgiveness
definitely does not mean that what you did is okay for one second!
Forgiveness
does not automatically come instantaneously when you say, “I’m sorry.” Do not force the other person to say that
they forgive you. This must come when
they are ready. You may need to be very
patient and wait a long time. Sometimes,
the person who is doing the forgiving will do it for themselves so they can
move on, not because they are actually forgiving you for your actions.
Remember,
saying, “I’m sorry,” does not wipe the slate clean. There must be a change in your heart and
followed by a change in your behavior.
Forgiveness must come when the other is ready.
Last Place Loser: A Guide to Failure
By Stevee Ashlock
Seek approval from others. Living
by other’s approval is a no-win situation. Your entire life will be
sucked away from you. Somewhere you lose yourself and forget your
original purpose. Life is aimless without passion and purpose, whether
in your business or personal life. Live with meaning and direction.
Take time to re-evaluate your life and make the necessary adjustment to
live a fulfilling and rewarding life.
Try to please everyone.
There is a song from the seventies that says, “Can’t please everyone,
so you got to please yourself.” Well, I would not go that far, but it
does have a point. Trying to please everyone is frustrating, because it
is an unobtainable task! Most people want to be liked, so they go with
the majority’s desire. The best solution is to seek out the truth and
do the right thing. Stay true to your inner beliefs.
Do it all yourself.
Doing it yourself is a great learning lesson, but it is timely and
costly. We are human; therefore, everyone has limitations. There is a
saying, “Divide and conquer!” A key to leadership requires learning how
to properly manage and delegate responsibilities. Know when to call in
the troops. There is no shame in admitting you need help.
Become a worry wart.
Why Worry, Be Happy is a great tune to whistle when doom set into your
mind. Great energy is spending worry about things that more than likely
will never come to pass. If they do, it is only because you gave it
energy and set yourself up for the prediction.
Continuously doubt yourself and abilities.
Doubt will eat up your self-confidence. The world continuously bombards
you with negativism. It is your duty to shield yourself and not absorb
this energy by allowing it to affect your sense of well-being. This
includes your mind, body and spirit.
Be driven by fear and guilt. F-
False E-Expectations A-Appearing R-Real: Fear is the strongest of all
emotions. Look around you to see how advertisers use fear based
campaigns to sell their products or services. It is an instant seller,
because everyone can relate to it. Fear will control more of what you
chose not to do, than what you chose to do. Guilt operates similar to
fear, but in reverse. Often people will do things under the pressure of
guilt that they normally would never do under regular circumstances.
Image how much more rewarding your life may be if you would eliminate
fear and guilt from your life.
Be controlled by emotions.
Emotions are in continuous change and often are not stable. If you are
basing decisions on how you feel at that moment, you are setting
yourself up for major disasters! Never make an important decide in the
heat of passion, positive or negative. Take time to step away to
distance yourself from the situation emotionally and take a complete
overview, before moving forward.
Live in resentment and anger.
Anger creates explosive conditions. Turning anger inward destroys your
physical and mental health. Acting out your aggressions will cause
permanent, irreversible damage. Allow others the human factor and take
the step to let go of your resentment. Give yourself permission to be
freed from its bond. The freedom you will experience will release
untapped energy you could never image you have.
Focus on the problem, not the solution.
Whenever a situation arises, resists the urge to point the finger and
blame others. Instead, reverse your thinking and focus on the solution.
How are you able to resolve the situation by creating a winning outcome
for everyone involved?
Believe materialism will make you happy.
Money is not the root of all evil, but many people choose to worship
it. Obviously, as responsible citizens, spouses, parents, etc., we want
to provide the best we can for our loved ones. Be careful not to lose
the balance and get your priorities turned upside down. What you care
most about is where you spend your most time and efforts. Material
things come and go with different life situations. Validating your
value system on how many toys you have collected, has no stability.
Life changes on a dime, but your value system should remain consistent.
Is Your Home Really Safe?
By Stevee Ashlock
Do
you always set your alarm? You may think of using our home alarm system
when you are away on vacation or going to work for the day. Have you
thought about the fifteen minute when you go to the grocery store, the
ten minutes you stop by the neighbor’s to chat, working in the yard or
even the two minutes it takes you to walk to the mailbox and back? What
about when you are home? You and your family are the most valuable
possessions you have!
Beware if you think, “This won’t happen to
me, because I live in a lovely, gated neighborhood.” Thieves, rapists
and killers look for the one moment of opportunity to slip into your
home. It could be through an unlocked door or window. Just because you
close the doors or windows, it does not mean they are entry-proof.
Amazingly…nearly
half of the homes that are robbed do not have their alarm systems
turned on! Don’t be caught off guard; use multi-layers of protection.
This includes, but not limited to, motion and light sensors, window
locks, deadbolts, security cameras, voice intercom at entry doors,
guard dog or a yappy puppy.
Do you have your alarm company sign
posted? If so, take it down and replace it with a generic sign that
reads, “Home Protected by Professional Security System.” That way, you
are not giving away inside secrets as to which system you are using.
Thieves can easily get a hold of the information needed to disarm a
particular system.
Do you keep your curtains open? It is a
great pick-me-up to have a golden ray of sunshine beaming through your
living room window during the day. Although, if you can see out, then
others can see in. If you would like to let the sunlight enter, turn
your shades so the slats angle down, not up. This way, you can see out,
but it is very difficult to see in. Remember, shears are called shears
because they are just that…shear! Be especially wary of first floor
windows after dark. Don’t forget to close the shades all the way at
night.
Can you see in your front door area? This is basically
the same concept as your windows, only worse. Since most front doors
are near the stairs or main hallway, you can be seen approaching the
door to check out who is there. Even if you cover the entry windows
with shears or stained glass, your shadow can be detected.
Additionally, if you have a peep hole in your front door, someone can
peek in at you as well as you can peek out at them. A better solution
is to have a solid wood or steel door without any windows or peep hole.
Make sure to have deadbolts on all entry doors.
Invest in a
security camera and voice intercom for the front entry. Place a “No
Trespassing” sign by your driveway, a “Beware of Dog” sign on your back
fence and a “No Solicitors” sign by your front door. You may not win
the “Friendliest Neighbor” award, but you will at least be alive long
enough for your neighbors to despise you.
Do you leave the same
lights on constantly? Purchase inexpensive timers for a few lights
throughout your house. Set them as you would normally use them. With
your lights going off and on a regular basis, no one will be
suspicious. Keep driveways and front entrances well lit. Outside lights
should be on motion sensors.
Do you have shrubbery too close to
the windows? Keep window and door areas free of overgrown bushes and
trees. Additionally, make sure to put away your ladder at the end of
the day. A ladder left out is an open invitation to your second story
windows!
Do you always answer the doorbell, even when you are
not sure who it is? If you do, you need to have your head examined!
Turn on the nightly news for enlightenment. With many criminals, it is
just a numbers game. Your house may be selected at random. Even if the
person appears to be legit, ask for identification, especially if you
did not call them.
Once you have their information, call to
check them out. Call the number listed in the phone directory, not the
one on the business card. That could be a scam.
If the person is
legit, they will not be offended by being checked out and will
appreciate your precaution. Another benefit is that you will not be
guilted into buying candy and promotional items for the neighborhood
school kids!
Are all your valuable hidden in the bedroom?
Burglars will check the bedroom first before going anywhere else. They
know to look under the mattress, in the dresser drawers, in coat
pockets and shoes, etc. If you do not have a lock box or a safe, be
creative. Use a hollowed out book, empty soup can, an old laundry soap
box, etc. For extremely valuable items and papers, rent a safety
deposit box at your bank.
Do you have a regular routine that
can be easily followed? Do you seem to do the same routine things every
day? A criminal mind will fixate on the times when you are away;
therefore, alter your schedule so you are not predictable. This will
throw them off.
Do you receive your mail at home? This is not a
good idea, unless you have a very secure mailbox. Even so, it is not a
good idea to put your home address on your credit card bills, monthly
statements, etc. Instead, invest in a small mailbox at your local US
Post Office. It is not very expensive, and your mail will be secure. Be
sure to send in a courtesy “Hold Mail” card when you are out of town.
Do
you tell your neighbors or coworkers you when you will be out of town?
Only tell one trusted friend or neighbor. Do not announce it to
everyone you know! By all means, do not leave a voice mail message
stating you are out of town. This includes not using an auto
out-of-the-office email response.
Safety Tips:
Change your garage doors to solid doors without windows. Park your car
in the garage. No one will know if you are home or not. This will keep
a burglar guessing, especially if you have lights on in different areas
of your house.
Back your car into the garage so you can pull straight out when you leave.
Don’t turn your car engine off until the garage door has completely closed.
Leave your keys in your car in case of an emergency or a quick get-away. Bonus – you won’t waste time looking for your keys!
Do not drive away until the garage door closes completely.
When returning home after dark, pick your mail up while still in your car.
Use automatic outside flood lights and motion sensors that clearly light up your driveway and walkways by your house.
When traveling, use the hotel safety box at the front desk. Do not
leave the key in your hotel room. Lock your electronics in your
suitcases while you are out.
When Children Hurt
By Stevee Ashlock
Most
often we think of children as little ones. Although, as adults, we are
still the children of our parents. As adult children, it is painful to
see our parents age. Once our rock and foundation, we depended on their
wisdom to solve all the worldly problems. Now, it hurts to see that
their end is near as their health, mobility and mental sharpness start
to dissipate. The slow decline in their independence is inevitable.
They become unsure of themselves, which in turn restricts their lives.
Daily
activities are routine, because anything out of the ordinary may set in
place a chain of terror. Their golden years start to mesh into days of
doctor appointments and scheduled medications. It is devastating to
watch parents’ eye sight and motor skills diminish to the point that
driving becomes dangerously difficult. This is a great loss of
independence from them.
Their taste buds are not as keen,
spicy food upset the stomach, and meals become challenging with fewer
teeth. It is much easier to open a box or can instead of fixing a
balanced meal. Even stairs are a nightmare; one more cause for falling
and bruising. A broken hip can cause a domino effect of health issues
resulting in death.
Forgetfulness is frustrating for both you
and your parents. Simple things from finding keys and important papers
to paying bills and remembering special dates are aggravating traumas.
Hours are spent fruitlessly looking for something that is right in
front of them. Being repeatedly asked the same question is annoying. To
the forgetful parent, they don’t understand why you don’t want to
answer their questions.
Worry overcomes the adult children’s
minds asking questions, “What do I do if my parents are not able to
care for themselves anymore? How do I make sure that their last days
are lived with dignity? How will I cope with losing my parents?” As
adult children, the process of making important decisions for parents
is an agonizing anguish. It is hard to know if one is doing the right
thing until it is done. Then it may be too late. So who knows?
Meanwhile, that fear shadows each decision. The feeling of helplessness
is aspirating, but there is no time to feel sorry for oneself.
Be
sure not let these important decisions overwhelm the situation. Cherish
each day, no matter what the struggles may be. Reassure your parents
that they are not a burden and will be loved unconditionally until
their very last breath. You will have time to grieve after they are
gone; now is not the time.
By preparing all the necessary legal
documents ahead of time, it will help set everyone’s mind at ease
during your parent’s journey through their golden years. Knowing their
requests will gracefully merge the bridge to their final wishes.
Will
this hurt ever end? Probably not. There will always be a void in your
life that only your parents can fill. Time will ease the pain, but fond
memories keep will keep their legend alive.
Four Reasons to Eat Mexican Food
By Stevee Ashlock
It
is cheap. Most meals start off with an endless basket of chips and
salsa. Entrees are very inexpensive. At most restaurants, you can
easily get a full meal for fewer than ten dollars. Some meals are big
enough to share. Just ask for an extra plate, because there is no
additional plate charge. If you fill up on chips, ask for a to go box
for your entree leftovers. Take the chips, too.
It is fast. If
time or hunger is an issue, Mexican food is prepared quite quickly.
Therefore, if you are super hungry or in a major rush, you can eat
immediately. By the time your return from washing your hands, your
entree will be waiting for your enjoyment. Dig in!
It is hot. Be
careful not to burn your mouth or hands, because Mexican food is served
very hot! The plates are even hotter. Especially on a cold, winter day,
what better way to warm up? Escape to the Mexican Baja in moments!
It
is tasty. The aroma of the combination of the flavors used in Mexican
foods is absolutely delicious…a mixture of fresh tomatoes, onions,
peppers, frijoles and cheese. No matter what the combination of
ingredients, just add a touch of sauce and side of rice and beans. Now
you have the perfect meal!
Bonus: Since most Mexican restaurants
are usually staffed with authentic Mexican natives, you can practice
your Spanish! Enjoy the festive Latin music and only speak Spanish
during your dining adventure. Viva Mexico!
Empowering Women in Gambia
By Stevee Ashlock
What
a surprise, an invitation to The Republic of The Gambia, West Africa!
It was extended from President Yahya Abdulaziz Jemus Junkung Jemmah,
himself. I was the only female among our USA group from FSJ and
Associates.
We were asked to assist President Yahya in the
production of their February Independence Day celebrations, develop an
international recording studio, and create an entertainment educational
course for the university students in Banjul. Additionally, Vice
President Isatul Njie-Saide requested us to aid in the Gambian Women’s
Empowerment program.
Being a motivational speaker and dedicated
charity advocate, I was elated! After intense preparation and numerous
shots, I was off on my long journey. A day and a half later, I was
exhausted when I arrived in Banjul, still gagging from the stench of
the sheepherders and the pesticide fumigation in Dakar, Senegal.
Gambia
is located on the West Coast of Africa near the Equator. It surrounds a
delta on the desert’s edge. I was greeted by roaming goats and Ebu, my
chauffeur/bodyguard. I was not allowed in public without him. I quickly
understood why.
Besides being election year and threats by the
Opposition Party, the natives would grab my blonde hair and
fair-skinned arms, and then want to shake my hand. Their yellowish eyes
told their stories of poverty and sickness. I kept telling myself, “Use
lots of sanitizer!” Disease runs rampant there – Aids, Hepatitis,
Malaria, Meningitis, West Nile, Bird Flu, etc.
At ten dollars
(US) for bottled water, I rationed it throughout the day, saving drops
for brushing my teeth before bed. That was okay, because restrooms were
virtually non-existent. If I found one, there would be no toilet paper
and had rancid sewage on the floor. Besides water, my diet consisted of
grapefruit, pineapple, pastries, meatless pizza, and moldy cheese.
Gambians
view Americans as wealthy, because the average laborer makes only one
dollar (US) per day, works six days a week, and is paid once a month.
Even though women were given the right to vote two years ago, most are
not allowed to work outside their family commune. Therefore, the
poverty stricken women and children swarm the tourists begging
feverishly.
Muslims account for 95% of the population. A Muslim
man may marry four wives, each having five children on average. With
twenty-five hungry mouths to feed, most of their money is spent on rice
and beans. Due to malnutrition, it is common to see children with
bloated bellies and bony arms and legs.
By law when a woman
marries, she is required to convert to her husband’s religion;
therefore, Muslim men will purposely seek out Christian women.
Additionally, Muslim schools offer free education verses public schools
with expensive fees. This creates a religious stronghold on the
children from youth.
Another method of ultimate control is
through the Witch Doctor’s voodoo. Wives are threatened with a death
hex if they are disobedient or leave their husbands. In reality, it is
not the hex that will cause their demise; it is malnutrition, disease,
the lack of education and no income.
Even though the Gambian
women live in a male dominated society, their spirits search for truth
and dignity. During Christian church services, the Muslim women often
spy over the back walls outside while listening to the sermon on the
loud speakers. They are camouflaged in multiple layers of cloth to
conceal their identity.
I was honored to be a guest at the
presidential dinner celebrations and excited to mingle with other world
leaders, but my highlight was inspiring the Banjul students to live
fulfilling lives and to keep hope. The young ladies were so
appreciative; they gave me a set of scarves.
African life is
difficult! Their everyday challenges are to find the basics – food,
clothing and shelter. The key to empowerment is to become less in order
to become more. Empowerment comes in the least expected moment, causing
one to courageously rise above the circumstances that surround them.
I
will always remember the kinder spirits of the Gambian people; they are
the most gracious I have ever known. I am not sure if I would willingly
volunteer for another tour of duty in Africa; but if asked, I probably
would go again.
Flying Hobos
By Stevee Ashlock
Flying
hobos, that is what it has come down to for the frequent flyers. We
have become a disgusted group of stinky, ungroomed, ugly, thirsty
travelers - no deodorant, toothpaste, cologne, cosmetics, shaving cream
and lotion…plus, no water.
This is homeland security? How
ridiculous! Obviously, this is another display of our government’s
brilliant reactive policies. For once, could they be proactive and have
some common sense?
Growing up in the hobo capital of the world,
Britt, Iowa, I recognize the similarities between the flying hobos and
the real hobos that hop the traveling freight trains. Every August, the
hobos descend on Britt for the National Hobo Convention for the
crowning of their new King and Queen.
The hobos parade the
streets from their floats throwing candy and trinkets. Later, they
gather in the city park for the crowning coronation and endless pots of
Mulligan stew. Hmm…come to think of it, they are treated like royalty
compared to current airline travelers.
On a recent cross country
flight, I was so thirsty by the time the flight attendant arrived with
the drink cart, I requested two drinks. I was given a dirty look and a
miniature bag of pretzels. I didn’t care and placed my order one more
time!
Why wouldn’t I be thirsty? I was instructed to arrive
several hours early for TSA security processing and not allowed to
bring water with me. I was not going to pay the outrageous price the
concourse food court was charging for a beverage. Makes me think they
are in collaboration with TSA.
I have a solution to our security
problems. First, have paper booties available for passengers to wear on
their feet when walking on the nasty floor through the TSA security
machine. Second, have a TSA gift bag of safely packaged toiletries and
bottled water waiting on the other side of the TSA security check point
for each passenger. Third, have TSA plastic locking ties available at
the check-in counter for bags that do not have TSA locks. If TSA locks
are used, by all means, there is no excuse to cut the lock off!
We
the people would like to take back our country. The United States of
America was built on freedom, not control. Our human rights are in
gross violation. Common sense and logic must take precedence over
created fear, misinformation and reactive policies. We are tired of
being humiliated and want our voices heard.
After all, we do not want an embarrassing country full of flying hobos!
Code Red Alert: The Humans are Missing!
By Stevee Ashlock
Customer
service is quickly becoming an extinct, lost art form; gas stations,
grocery stores, post office, but especially in the airline business.
Humans are being replaced by “do it yourself” check-in station
counters. If you dare check-in with the curbside skycap, you will be
charged $2 per bag on top of the usual generous tip given. (I have yet
to figure out the reasoning.)
Only after you check yourself in,
the ticket agent (basically a luggage tagger) puts your preprinted
luggage tag on your baggage and tells you where to take your luggage
for security screening; thus, rendering the conveyor belts behind them
useless. Once through the security and by the gates, most major
airlines have customer service counter for rebooking. It has become
common practice for the airlines to replace their “human staff” with an
abundance of red phones placed on the counter top with a toll free
number posted on the wall overhead, aided by more “do it yourself”
check-in stations.
Additionally, when a customer asks an airline
personnel where to make a complaint, they are referred to a website,
yet another “non-human” contact. Boy, this sure makes me feel
appreciated and gives me a warm fuzzy! How about you?
In-flight
beverage and food service seems to be an optional choice for the flight
attendants. If you have a group of lazy flight attendants, like I did
on a recent flight, they won’t even come when the service light is on!
They seem to disappear at take off and magically reappear barking
orders just before landing. If a service cart does come by, expect to
pay high prices for prepackaged, tasteless food and $2 for bottled
water.
Since customers are now required to check themselves in
and handle their own baggage, I ask, “What’s next? Will be required to
fly the plane, too?” Furthermore, to save time and effort for the TSA
employees, why don’t the travelers show up naked and put their clothes
on after they are threw the security check point?
With airlines
clamoring for business, many claiming substantial losses even
bankruptcy, why haven’t the overpaid airline high executives figured
things out? The airfare price may attract customers the first time, but
it is excellence in customer service that keeps them returning and in
business.
Stevee Ashlock presents:
10 Image Tips for the Professional
1. Update Your Wardrobe
• Keep current with contemporary styles, without being a slave to fashion or fads. Avoid getting stuck in one era.
• Buy sturdy, tailored separates to mix and match in neutral solid colors. Complete with a variety of accessories.
• Be careful not to wear distracting jewelry. You want the focus to be on you, not the jewelry.
•
Women: Shoes should be closed toed with heels no higher than 3” and
worn with flesh tone hosiery. Avoid ornate decorations on shoes or
patterned hosiery.
• Men: Shoes should be polished leather dress shoes and worn with socks that coordinate with trousers.
2. Update Your Hairstyle/Make-up
• Keep your hairstyle fresh, natural and well trimmed.
• Avoid radical hairstyles or colors.
•
Update your style at least once every other year, making sure it age
appropriate and compliments you today. It should suite your lifestyle
and personality.
• Have your hair professionally colored.
•
Women: As you age, adjust your make-up to enhance your features, not
disguise them. Focus on one facial feature at a time; such as, lips or
eyes.
• Men: Use powder for photos and TV.
3. Be Well Groomed
• Treat yourself to a professional manicure and pedicure.
• Moisturize your hands to keep them soft for hand shaking.
• Keep unwanted facial and body hair removed.
• Freshen up throughout the day.
• Use cologne sparingly.
4. Smile
• Brush your teeth and tongue regularly.
• Floss your teeth regularly.
• Check your breath often.
• Get regular dental check ups.
• Keep up with your dental work.
• Straighten your teeth.
• Whiten your teeth.
• Smile from the heart with sincerity.
5. Practice Manners & Etiquette
• Be polite and gracious.
• Keep eye contact. Avoid distractions.
• Give a firm handshake.
• Be an active listener. See things from others point of view.
• Do not interrupt a when someone is speaking with you.
• When possible, be politically correct.
• Be assertive, not aggressive.
6. Use Proper Grammar
• Properly pronounce your words.
• Speak slowly and clearly.
• Be careful not to use regional dialect.
• Avoid slang or inside terminology.
7. Voice Control
• Be expressive with your words. Paint a picture.
• Flex your voice, using both the upper and lower ranges.
• Use the lower voice range when be authoritative.
• Open your mouth and use your diaphragm to increase the power of your voice.
8. Join Toastmasters International
• Perfect your public speaking skills.
• Safe place to explore new concepts and presentations.
• Receive valuable feedback.
• Network your business.
9. Volunteer
• Give back to your community.
• Show you care.
• Be part of something bigger than yourself.
• Leave a legacy.
10. Have Fun
• Enjoy what you do.
• Live with passion and purpose.
• Set goals, but be flexible.
• Learn to laugh at yourself.
• Never give up!